Sissy Republicans Suck

I got annoyed by a Liberal's email the other day, suggesting that I had been influenced in my response by a Republican friend. I went "conventional weapon" on him to make it clear that my attitude was my own. (I just stutter, make gagging noises and pull my Glock when I actually get to "nuclear".) Here's what I wrote:

"I'm a Right Wing Conservative. When I want to nod to Attila, I have to face left.

I'm upset about the Iraq war because we don't shoot more, faster and less discriminately; and because we won't bomb mosques. I don't care what 7th century savages think of America.

I think we ought to torture terrorists, just for the fun of it. Pyramids of naked butts are frat party antics; let's get serious.

I want to nuke Iran and North Korea. Now. To glass.

I think we should invade, conquer, occupy, control, colonize and rule the entire Muslim Middle East, FOR THE OIL. They've got it. We need it. Let's get it.

I want every illegal alien out of America. Put a bounty on their heads, and they'll get snatched off the street, from jobs and out of their houses. Deport them immediately in the clothes they're wearing. Give all the stuff they leave behind to Americans who have been rendered poor and unemployed because the goddamn illegals have driven down wages by working for Third-World wages. They'll quit coming here pretty damn quick.

I'm mad at Bush and the Republicans because they aren't Right-Wing enough. They're acting like democrats: power-hungry, spending-addicted, conniving, corrupt, spineless, clueless, feckless and short-sighted.

Both parties stink like the greedy, stupid, lying, pond scum sell-outs they are."

He got the message.

(Too bad you can't just shoot the bastards)

The Gunslinger