BREAKING NEWS***BREAKING NEWS***BREAKING NEWS***BREAKING NEWS
News that Hostess products would soon disappear from grocery shelves, and the almost certain layoff of 18,500 employees, has had much of the nation in a tailspin. There has been a loud cry from the general public over the past week, demanding that the government do something about the potential confectionary loss.
A source, deep within the current administration, has provided confidential information to this writer, requesting only that the name of the source and the federal agency for which he or she works, will remain anonymous. I have agreed to those terms.
Although no one knows for sure what will happen in mediation, it is known that if mediation fails, the case will be sent back to the courts for a judicial decision as to whether the Hostess Company can close its doors FOREVER in bankruptcy.
Should that occur, I am assured that the government will swiftly swing into action as follows:
1. The State Department stands ready to hire all the Twinkies.
2. The Secret Service will hire all of the Ho Hos.
3. I am advised that within the Department of Defense, the generals are already sleeping with the Cupcakes.
4. And the voters recently sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.
So there you go; never let it be said that your government does not stand by fearlessly, ready to jump into the fray whenever the public demands that it should do so.
“Oh No, It’s Going GRRRRRRREAT!”
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