Sunday, November 07, 2021

The Baldwin Shooting

 From a Fellow Firearms Enthusiast:


The issue is not whether Mr. Baldwin is a good person or a bad one. Neither that nor his politics matter. The relevant fact is that he obviously violated three basic safe gun handling rules: 

1. Every gun must be treated as loaded. That has to be the default assumption until the person handling it personally takes every one of the multiple steps necessary to ascertain and confirm that it is not. Being told by any other person or persons that a firearm is unloaded won't cut it or excuse a violation of this rule. 

2. No gun ever should be pointed at any portion of one's own body or at any other person who does not pose an immediate dangerous threat. 

3. No gun holder ever should place a finger inside the trigger guard unless and until the gun is aimed at a target at which the gun holder has decided to 
shoot. 

Anyone who picks up a gun and fails to comply with each of these fundamental common sense rules must be held accountable -- legally, financially, and morally -- for the consequences of any such failure . . . and this is particularly true when all three rules are violated with fatal consequences.


Monday, October 25, 2021

The Corvette

 The Corvette   

A man named Tom Nicholson posted on his Facebook account the sports car that he had just bought and how a man approached and told him that the money used to buy this car could've fed thousands of less fortunate people. His response to this man  made him famous on the internet:

A guy looked at my Corvette the other day and said, "I wonder how many people could have been fed for the money that sports car cost?"
 
I replied I'm not sure.

It fed a lot of families in Bowling Green, Kentucky who built it.

It fed the people who make the tires.

It fed the people who made the components that went into it.
 
It fed the people in the copper mine who mined the copper for the wires.
 
It fed people in at Caterpillar who make the trucks that haul the copper ore. 
 
It fed the trucking people who hauled it from the plant to the dealer
and fed the people working at the dealership and their families.
 
BUT,... I have to admit, I guess I really don’t know how many people it fed.
 
That is the difference between capitalism and the welfare mentality.
 
When you buy something, you put money in people’s pockets and give them dignity for their skills.
 
When you give someone something for nothing, you rob them of their dignity and self-worth.
 
Capitalism is freely giving your money  in exchange for something of value. 
 
Socialism is having the government take your money against your will and give it to someone else for doing nothing.


Sunday, October 24, 2021

Friday, October 22, 2021

Email From A Friend

During a DNC dinner, Mrs. Biden leaned over to chat with Chuck Schumer. "I bought Joe a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Joe has already taught him to say over two hundred words!"

"Very impressive," said Chuck, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they mean."

"Oh, I know", replied Mrs. Biden, "but neither does the parrot."

Horse Sense


 

The "Bottleneck" is California

 

From an article by Andrea Widberg...

The conventional wisdom from the left is that the VIRUS is the reason for stalled container ships off the California coast.  (NOT THE COMPLETE STORY)

Problem # 1

California's new laws are NOT mentioned.  Trucks with engines built before 2011 are not allowed in the container off load area and drivers must be 21 years of age now, no longer just 18.

To solve the truck problem, California mandated that older trucks be replaced with electric trucks (which don't exist yet).

Half of the nation's truckers are now prohibited from picking up containers in California.  You don't hear about that of course.

In an effort to solve the problem, California compliant trucks have been taking shipments to the state border, where the load is transferred to non-compliant trucks.  This has just built another bottleneck.

Problem # 2

California's new law AB-5 killed the gig economy.  Traditionally ports are served by owner operators. AB-5 BANNED OWNER/OPERATORS WHO ARE NOT UNION.  So, there just aren't nearly enough trucks to handle the job.  Biden's grandstanding about operating the ports 24/7 won't make a difference.

The unions win and the Democrats win, the media punts but the average AMERICAN CITIZEN loses.    Does any of this surprise you ?



-- 
Van Phillips, ASTC
President of
Jones - Phillips Associates, LLC
(765) 423-1123 (V)
(765) 404-7979 (Cell)
www.jonesphillips.com

Suite 412
Memphis, TN  38103

From My Firearms Instructor, re: Alec Baldwin

 22 Oct 21

 “Don’t get high on your own supply”
 
Drug-dealer’s axiom

“Don’t spend too much time reading your own press-releases”

Political equivalent
 
Liberal hypocrites!
 
Actor, Alec Baldwin, the same Hollywood leftist/elitist who insists, ad nauseam, that we mere peons, we the “unworthy and unwashed,” are too stupid to own guns, inadvertently killed a film-set co-worker with a “prop-pistol” yesterday. Another co-worker was injured, apparently in the same incident.
 
A subsequent TV interview revealed that whoever was “safety coordinator” on this film-set was utterly unaware of the normal working of firearms, as well as correct gun-handling. No one was able to even begin to explain what went wrong!
 
The rabidly anti-gun among us (which includes nearly all of Hollywood’s self-righteous, leftist, “elite”) should never be allowed anywhere near others when handling firearms, even as supposed “props.”
 
They will invariably get it wrong (as we see), because they are willfully, arrogantly ignorant and unaccustomed to anything that resembles correct handling of deadly weapons.
 
Once again, these are the same people who insist that we “ordinary American citizens” are too stupid to own guns!
 
/John

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Universalist Reincarnation Theology

April 20, 2021

I can’t believe in Christianity if they claim all these are true:

1) God is All-Good
2) God is All-Knowing
3) Eternal Torturous Hell exists


Problem:  Only two of those can be true at the same time:


a) God can be ALL-GOOD and HELL can exist….but then he can’t be ALL-KNOWING…and know in advance of creating some people that they will choose to be bad, and suffer eternal punishment in hell.

b) God can be ALL-KNOWING and HELL can exist…but then he can’t be ALL-GOOD if he chooses to create people he knows will end up in eternal torture in hell.

c) God can be ALL-KNOWING and ALL-GOOD…but then the brutal, eternal, punishing, torturous, burning HELL does not exist.



Now, today I heard a very interesting explanation from a Christian Apologist that seemed to answer my objections. He claimed that when “bad” people die…who have not accepted God and goodness, He does not force them into His presence, and honors their wishes to be separate from Him. He therefore assigns them to a place outside of heaven.

The Apologist suggested it was not a great place…as God wasn’t there…but also indicated that it was not a “lake of fire, a burning, torturous, punishing nightmare from which ‘lost’ souls cannot awaken”. He further…without actually verbalizing it…left the assumption that this choice would be made once, and the location the soul went to would be permanent.

But I suddenly had an inspiration about that…one that makes all of the parts of this equation make PERFECT SENSE!


I agree that when the a person dies, and they go before God and he must choose the soul’s destination…if they are saintly and deserving, they will be admitted to Heaven to enjoy all the benefit and joys thereof.

But, if they are not deserving of paradise…or have, in fact, rejected God whether by literal choice or mindless action…God then does send that soul to a place “outside of heaven”, as suggested.

But… that place is EARTH!  The place that unprepared souls return to is a place where he has another chance to get it right.

That is:  REINCARNATION

I think the Apologist was exactly right….about the alternative destination…

I think the Apologist was wrong…about the finality of the journey.

God made us while being All-Good and All-Knowing. He made us for a purpose….not to see us suffer eternal punishment in a burning HELL…but to join Him (and each other) in Paradise, to have a GREAT TIME!

God wants ALL His children to join him in Heaven…but he does demand that we DESERVE it. And He will keep returning us to the school of hard-knocks until we learn the lessons, awaken our mind with understanding, fill our hearts with love, and thus EARN our way into Paradise.

This answers all the objections I have to the original, more “fundamentalist” version of God’s character and demands. And yet, it actually explains those statements of faith:

God loves us.
God is Good.
God is All-Knowing
God makes demands on us to EARN Paradise.
When we fail, He does not condemn us, but He does not give us a pass either.
He gives us as many chances as we need to EARN Paradise.

This gives us gratitude to Him for his patience and love. But it also gives us self-respect, and self-acceptance.

And He (and everyone in Heaven) celebrates every soul when they finally graduate!


• • •


EDIT/Additions
July 18, 2021

While the Christian Apologists I’m listening to (Frank Turek, etc) say that if Universalism is true then Jesus died for nothing…and that Reincarnation isn’t true because Salvation is not about “works”, but rather about “faith in Jesus” that gets us into heaven, so we don’t need a bunch of lives to build up enough “good works” to graduate to Paradise.

Both of those arguments (and most of their others) are wrong in my opinion.

First, can I just say they make Christianity REALLY COMPLICATED by all the fancy footwork they need to produce and justify their preferred theology. Like explaining how, if people just live once, do babies who die go to hell because they didn’t “have faith” in Jesus? Turek has the bad-taste to suggest that maybe since God would know that a given baby wouldn’t have “believed” in Jesus even if he had been given the chance to live a full life, so if he goes to HELL that’s God’s justice.  WHAT THE FUCK???!!!

Turek is not saying that’s what happens. Actually he seems to want to believe that all babies who die go to heaven. But can you imagine the required twisted, convoluted thinking it requires to try to live up to the demands of the inflexible “theology” of the what seems to be “protestant” Christianity?

Further, let’s talk about the argument they make that salvation does not depend on and WORKS by man….but only on JESUS’ SACRIFICE as atonement for our sins.

This is a confusing idea, because it seems to suggest that no matter what we do, the sacrificial death of GOD for our sins has, by definition, atoned for any sin we could possibly commit. Yay!

But…wait. While they say that works are not necessary, they DO say that in order to benefit from Jesus’ Atoning Sacrifice, you MUST believe in Him, you MUST Trust Him, you MUST Love Him, your MUST Adore Him…as well as God the Father and God the Holy Ghost.

All of that “MUST DO” sounds like an awful lot of “works” to me. It would be a lot easier to spend my money and time ministering to the poor, homeless, hungry and hopeless than trying to force BELIEF in something that happened over 2000 years ago, to force TRUST in someone I have no experience of,  to LOVE a guy who I have no relationship with, and ADORE Him and his fellows as a GOD I must prostrate myself before, without have any experience of His reality or His greatness or His divinity…

That’s a pretty BIG BUNCH OF WORKS right there—“necessary for salvation”, according to Frank, et al.

So many complications, so many complicated ways of “translating” what the Bible means, what God means, what Jesus means, what Church Fathers mean…

Why don’t we just make it simple?

If Jesus died for my sins, so that what I have to do is know and trust in Him and accept his sacrifice of love in order for me to go to paradise…

…how about He make it possible for me—and everybody else…to do that….including those who lived (their ONLY ONE LIFE) before Jesus showed up, and who lived/live in other countries, in different religious cultures, and those who die without ever having the chance to know/love/accept/trust Jesus, and those whose life experience or personality make it difficult or impossible for them to accept any such idea?

How about we make a straightforward path to PARADISE for everyone….no matter how long it takes. After all, God doesn’t have time limits, right? You know, “ETERNITY”…

So…According to Christianity as taught today: You LIVE, you DIE, you are JUDGED, and then you go to Heaven or Hell…

Let’s be clear, this mean that after one measly little life of just a few years, you are consigned to either Paradise or Torture FOREVER, based on what you did or didn’t do.

But no! Stop! Wait!

That is not what a good God would do!

But it IS something that a man-made Church would say to get people scared to death, easy to manipulate, control…to get them to behave….to get them to be dependent on the Church…and its Leaders—giving them allegiance, obedience and support!

(Does “Covid” ring a bell?)

NO! Here’s what a good, compassionate, but JUST God would do:  You LIVE, you DIE, you are JUDGED. If you fulfilled the requirements, you go to HEAVEN. If you didn’t…you go to HELL: translation…another life on Earth. You know the expression, “hell on earth”…???

And if the requirement is that you accept and appreciate the sacrifice of Jesus, trust in His atonement, love him and adore Him…you have another chance to do so…

And you keep repeating the cycle until you finally “get it”…

God wants ALL of his Children with Him in Paradise. But he has His requirements. And until you fulfill them, you’re on the Merry-Go-Round of incarnations until you meet them.

And that’s just such a simple explanation to it all. Occam’s razor, Christians!

1) God send His Son to redeem His sinning children.

2) All He requires is that those sinning children acknowledge the redemption, accept it, be grateful for it, and thereafter behave in a way that is evidence of their “redemption”, by loving God, each other and God’s beautiful created world.

3) Each person has the personal responsibility to fulfill #2. And he will be repeatedly reincarnated until he does! (That’s Hell enough for anyone!)

4) Ultimately ALL people will be personally redeemed and reach Paradise, by their “WORK” of acceptance, love, and trust in God and Jesus…

5) And we will ALL live happily ever after in Paradise!


(That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!)

From my Firearms Instructor...

This is what happens when you disarm the population, and the police!

Gun


16 Oct 21
 
The folly of the unarmed!
 
Both the UK and Norway last week saw wanton murders of the unarmed.
 
In the UK, it was a lone, knife-wielding attacker who murdered a Member of Parliament as the MP was holding an informal meeting with constituents. The MP died at the scene of multiple stab wounds.
 
The attacker was arrested shortly thereafter.
 
In Norway, several police officers responded to a report of a man with a bow and arrows shooting arrows in the direction of pedestrians at a supermarket.
 
When officers arrived (all unarmed, by edict), the suspect started shooting arrows at them!
 
Being unarmed, all they could do was retreat and take cover. No officers were injured.
 
However, as officers took cover, the suspect continued shooting arrows and subsequently invaded several local apartments and, over the next half-hour, murdered five innocent citizens and wounded several more!
 
Of course, unarmed police were helpless to prevent any of these murders!
 
The suspect was eventually arrested.
 
The suspect was known by police to be “criminally insane,” and was also a “recent convert to Islam”
 
Comment: It was a bad week for the unarmed. Most weeks are!
 
In the UK, in Norway, and in most of Western Europe, police officers, even MPs, are considered too stupid to own guns!
 
Accordingly, “criminally insane” suspects, even ones well-known to police and on “watch-lists,” roam freely and, when they decide to attack, always have plenty of time (sometimes hours) to murder their hapless and unarmed victims before anything substantive is done to subdue them.
 
Unarmed police, even when on the scene, can do little other than remain at a safe distance as the carnage transpires, unhindered in any meaningful way, as we see!
 
It happens over and over, and all European politicians do is respond by bolstering their own security!
 
Over here, double-faced Democrat politicians call for our police (who currently go armed routinely) to be disarmed, defunded, and disbanded, all while quietly increasing their own heavily-armed security staffs.
 
In such a debased world, the unarmed (by choice, and by decree) will continue to be casually murdered, and politicians whom they voted for will continue to care not a whit!
 
“To be led by a coward, is to be controlled by all that the coward fears.
 
To be led by a fool, is to be led by opportunists who control the fool.
 
To be led by a thief, is to offer-up your most precious treasures to be stolen.
 
To be led by a liar, is to ask to be told lies.
 
To be led by a tyrant, is to sell yourself into slavery.”
 
Octavia E Butler
 
/John


Saturday, September 04, 2021

I Think They're All Wrong

 
I wrote this in 2008. I just ran across it again 
in one of my other blogs....
and thought I'd share...

 

I’m reading Eliphas Levi, godfather of modern occultism/ceremonial magic. And I find him all too similar to all other spiritual/religious writers in this one fundamental sense: He assumes that Being is founded in Spirit, and that the material world is a temporary creation and that matter is a prison from which it is the goal of Spirit to free itself, and that Spirit is our true form, and the true form of the Creator.

Every great spiritual movement, and every great world religion believes the same thing: The world is a place and condition from which Spirit needs to be freed.

I think they’re all wrong.

Call it an inspiration. Call it disgust with the same old, tired song and dance. Call it monumental arrogance for me to gainsay Popes and Hierophants and Buddhas and Saints and Medicine Men and High Priests.

I think “God” is material. I think the material universe is as essential to Being as Spirit. I think Spirit eternally seeks incarnation. I think Matter is equal to and as holy as Spirit.

I think they are symbiotic. I think Matter without Spirit is dead; I think Spirit without Matter is impotent.

I think material life is the POINT. I think material life is what being consists of, and is its intended and final form.

I think Being is Spirit/Body. Not as a temporary, or conditional ordeal to be suffered, endured and transcended, but as the very goal, aim and objective of the whole goddamned enchilada.

I think material life is the PURPOSE, not the PRELUDE.

I think Spirit loves Matter. I think Spirit like to taste tastes, smell smells, and touch stuff, and make love and get high and feel the wind in its face, and ride motorcycles and hear music, and cry, and laugh and get tickled, and hold other material beings. I think Spirit hungers for material life. I think it loves the smell of grass, the sight of the sunset, the beauty of the moon, the sound of children laughing, fireflies, butterflies.

I think the essential, fundamental, intended, planned condition of being is Spirit/Matter. Or, if you will, Soul/Body. I think one without the other is half-life.

According to Christian tradition Jesus ascended to “heaven” with his corporeal body intact. He didn’t slough it off and prefer to be “pure Spirit”. And don’t forget Mary assumed like her son, complete with human body, to the same place. I mean, what does that say about the permanence of Matter?

We miss this wonder because we fear death. Because we fear change. Because we fear loss.

We love our Body/Souls so much we can’t bear to lose them. And so we have invented a fantasy of bodiless eternal life in “heaven”, in which we can remain safe, unchanged, un-frightened, un-threatened forever and ever, Amen. The fact that we would be impotent, stagnant, static, unproductive, bored, and probably ultimately driven insane has clearly not occurred to anybody.

Safety first. We’re like that. Perfectly normal. And perfectly wrong.

But wisdom tells us that it is not the permanent, unchanging, indestructible, or everlasting that we actually value. Nobody spends a lot of time staring at an empty sky marveling at it. It is a marvel…that blue, endless vista. But it is there, every single day of our lives and that of our parents and their parents and for generations and millennia back beyond the memory of man.

But a shooting star? A lunar eclipse? We get more excited about them because they are rare. Daisies are lovely flowers. But we don’t spend much time admiring them. They are common and long lived, and well, everywhere.

But the rare and delicate blossom that blooms for one night only once every 100 years is valued beyond price. To see such a thing would the an event of a lifetime. But is it really more beautiful that the common daisy?

It is its tragic, brief and fleeting existence that makes it so valuable, and its beauty so hauntingly bittersweet.

And thus with our human lives. Immortality would render our lives small, uneventful, unenthusiastic, dull, meaningless, paltry and pointless. It is death that makes life so sweet. It is death that makes us love so hard. It is death that allows us swooning passions. Without death, life would be a wasteland. An empty, endless, featureless wasteland.

From the doomed perspective of a mortal, immortality seems, well, “heavenly”.

But upon a moment’s imaginative reflection, the vampiric shadow of an endless existence of jaded tastes, surfeited appetites, exhausted enthusiasms seems a a lot more like Hell than Heaven.

Being is not some sort of static suspended animation. Being is birth, growth, action, evolution, change, learning, experience. It is passion and laughter, suffering and grief. It is dying and being reborn because of the hunger to do it all again…knowing the consequences, knowing the risks, knowing the pain and the joy, knowing the beautiful, terrible glory of it all.

Spirit is  not “better” than Matter. It is not a “higher plane” of existence. Spirit alone is only a sort of twilight half-life, like sad, wretched ghosts who envy the living. Spirit is one component of the quintessence of Being, which is the fantastic, amazing, mind-blowing, unbelievably, insanely great Body/Soul thing we got going on right here, right now.

And if you don’t think so, you’re who Auntie Mame was talking about when she said:

“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!”

I submit that neither bodies nor spirits are capable of what we call “life” without the other. They are mutually dependent for True Being.

I submit that Spirit, being incorporeal, cannot die. And that when separated from its material vehicle, it continues to exist, and seeks out a new material vehicle. Call it Reincarnation. Call it Transmigration. Call it whatever you like.

Until that Spirit is united with a material body, it cannot experience true Being. It is in a sort of limbo. I don’t know what happens during that time. Maybe it assesses its past life and makes plans for the next one. Maybe it gets judged by the Lords of Karma, and gets the next life “it deserves”. Maybe it just “rests from its labors” and when it wakes, picks a new material half.

We humans have assumed that anything we can’t detect with our sciences or or senses must be non-material (or non-existent). I submit that matter may come in a variety of  “densities”, and in a variety of “dimensions”, and just because we can’t detect that which we call God, does not necessarily mean He is only a Spirit.

Indeed, considering His clear affection and propensity for matter, I submit that He is just as material as we are. I think He, like Creation, is a perfect balance of Spirit and Matter.

Maybe He even dies occasionally, just to keep things fresh and exciting. After all, religious history is rife with “dying gods”. Maybe they were on to something.

Lastly, I submit that to pray for release from this (glorious!) “vale of tears” to a place of (a shadowy, comatose) “eternal life”; to want nothing so fanatically than to discard this amazing amalgam of consciousness and sensate vehicle we call “life” is surely insulting to the glorious artist who designed it…for our pleasure and wonder…as much as for His own pure joy in creation.

Perfection is boring. Immortality is tedious. They are to be dreaded, not sought after. They are wrong and unnatural. To sacrifice the Great Gift for their Empty Promise is surely the most unthinkable tragedy, and the greatest of all sins.

• • •

Bad TImes Are Coming

From my Firearms Instructor:

3 Sept 21
 
“We live in a time of shallow values held by dishonorable men who have scant regard for principled behavior.”

Botha
 
Despicable cowards, at the highest levels of government, have presented our nation with yet another contemptible, disgusting, and preventable trouncing!
 
The Taliban’s renascent victory in Afghanistan, where many innocent Americans (turned-away by agents of their own State Department) are casually, cynically abandoned, is already inspiring Islamic jihadists worldwide to rise-up, maiming and murdering Christian and Jewish Westerners, victims they perceive to be unarmed (and they’re usually correct).
 
They’re confident that Islamic empire-builders are on a role, with the aid of carelessly abandoned American Military equipment!
 
Today’s blitz attack, carried out by a knife-wielding Islamic in New Zealand is just one of many to come.
 
Six innocent New Zealanders were stabbed and slashed before the attacker was confronted, and shot to death, by police.
 
We’re told this particular Islamic was “under surveillance,” and that police thus arrived at the scene in less than a minute.
 
Pretty impressive response time, but scant consolation for the six (forcibly disarmed in 2019 by NZ government decree) who were maimed!
 
Observations:
 
1) Violent criminals (particularly murderous religious ideologues), “known security threats” who are “under close surveillance by LE” in otherwise-disarmed societies, can still maim and murder hapless, disarmed citizens- long before LEOs arrive, as we see!
 
We’ve seen this happen countless times in the UK, USA, and many other places.
 
2) “Best Defense” against a sudden, unexpected, unprovoked attack by a grievance-driven, psychotic murderer is to be constantly alert, well-armed, well-trained. Logical solution is to reside in a pro-CCW state, and then go armed without fail, doing our best to stay away from stupid places, stupid people!
 
Yet when the murderer comes, there will be no time to “get ready!” Police (de-funded?) will be nowhere close.
 
The life you save, via decisive action, may well be your own!
 
3) Socialist/Communist politicians, emasculating local police while simultaneously enacting naive gun-bans, merely expand the “victim pool” for the enjoyment of eager predators. Of course, that is exactly what sleazy leftists want!
 
4) The world is extremely unstable right now! Evil forces are rising. Western civilization is rapidly disintegrating, by choice. Fear among evil-doers of righteous retribution, domestically and internationally, is mostly gone.
 
Accordingly, as individuals, we have to comprehensively look-after our own best interests. We have to take full-charge of our own safety, never relying on “protection” ostensibly provided by government.
 
We’re on our own, and the worst is yet to come!
 
"When you get what you begged for (socialism), don’t expect sympathy, from anyone!"
 
Gochenour

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Seriously. These are funny.

Take your time .....
 
1.    Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
 
2.    What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
 
3.    Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
 
4.    Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
 
5.    If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
 
6.    Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
 
7.    A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
 
8.    I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
 
9.    Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
 
10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
 
11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
 
12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
 
13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
 
14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
 
15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
 
16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
 
17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
 
18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
 
19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
 
20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
 
21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
 
22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
 
23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
 
24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
 
25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.