Blast From the Past

Original post:  Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Gunslinger's 118th Dream

I have this recurring dream. It goes like this:

I wake up one morning and turn on the television, and I see the shocked and pale faces of American newscasters. They are speaking in hushed tones and disconnected sentences about some great event that has taken place, but I can't decipher what it is. Then, almost unable to articulate, one of them woodenly introduces the President of the United States at a live press-conference.

The scene changes to the President standing behind a podium, and he speaks:

"This morning, before dawn, I authorized the dropping of a tactical nuclear bomb on the city of Medina in Saudi Arabia. At 6:05 a.m. local time the missile made contact. That city has been obliterated. I was sorry to have to make that choice, but in the end, the uncontrollable and escalating Muslim violence around the world gave me no choice.

Reason, decency, negotiation, promises and concessions to Islam have not worked. It became clear that the only way to stop these monsters was to play by the rules they themselves established.

I am now the most dangerous terrorist on the planet. And here are my demands:

    •    Every hostage currently being held by Muslims will be released immediately, alive and well. We know exactly how many and who they are. Do not even consider harming them.

    •    Every Muslim Jihadist on the planet, in every corner of the world, will instantly lay down his arms. You will bring them to a central location where the authorities can destroy them, and you will surrender to said authorities without incident.
    •    All leaders of Al Qaeda, Islamic Brotherhood, Hezbollah, Hamas, and all other terrorists groups will immediately surrender to the closest duly appointed law enforcement authorities.
    •    All such law enforcement entities will duly surrender these wanted men to members of the American or Israeli Military if possible, or to their representatives, or to their embassies, by whatever means necessary, within the next 12 hours.

    •    Every single incident of Islamic violence will cease as of this moment.
    •    All Islamic riots, demonstrations, burning in effigy, flag burnings, shouting and threats will cease as of this moment.
    •    All pro-Jihad networks--as determined by me--including Al-Jazeera, will cease to broadcast immediately upon notification. Notification is in progress. Electronic monitoring has already commenced.
    •    Iran will immediately begin dismantling their nuclear program, and provide complete transparency to American, Israeli and British inspectors that will be arriving by noon local time today.
    •    Violence by Muslim insurgents, including foreign fighters in Iraq and Afghanistan against the duly elected government, its representatives, its innocent people and the Coalition forces will cease immediately.

    •    All such fighters will surrender to U.S. Military personnel without incident by noon today.

    •    All collaborators in Iraq and Afghanistan shall be surrendered to the Coalition personnel by their neighbors, without incident, by noon today.
    •    Every Mosque in existence that preaches radical Islam, will desist by noon today Armed American, Israeli, British and Australian inspectors and translators will be given instant and transparent access to all gatherings, and functions within all Mosques at all times from this day forward.

    •    Every Mosque will surrender radical jihadists to said armed inspectors immediately, without incident.

    •    Any reprisals against informants will be considered a breach of these demands.
    •   
The consequences of failure to meet any one of these demands will be the nuclear obliteration of Mecca in 24 hours.

If there is one kidnapping, one fire-bombing, one beheading, one car bombing, one grenade thrown, one suicide bomber, one riot, anywhere on earth by Muslims, sympathizers or fellow travellers, Mecca will be destroyed.

I would have preferred to make this deadly serious threat without destroying Medina, but I know you think the West is weak, and would not have believed me. Please believe me now. If as a Muslim, walking the streets of Indonesia, or France, or the Hindu Kush, you commit the slightest act of violence, you will go to Allah responsible for the destruction of Islam's holiest city.

I promise you, as I have destroyed Medina, I will destroy Mecca. And if necessary, I will eliminate a holy city every 24 hours until you submit to all my demands. Your reign of terror ends here, now, today.

And in a final note, a warning to Pakistan and secondarily to North Korea: it would not be in your best interests to attempt a "response" of any kind. We are monitoring your facilities and at the first sign of launch preparation, your sites will be taken out by American bombers which are at this time, mere moments from your air space, and your capital cities will be reduced to glowing rubble.

I will not be taking any questions."

The President walks grimly from the podium, but the reporters don't shout questions. They are stunned, silent. They are beyond words.

The scene reverts to the studio where the talking heads are still in shock, but have recovered enough to introduce "American reaction to the presidents announcements"...and we go to a series of locations around the country, where Americans are in the streets cheering, hugging each other, holding pictures of the President and waving the American flag.

And then I wake up.

Weird huh?

Posted by The Gunslinger at 8:32 PM